Reflections on my first BJJ competition

I am not the same person I was a year ago. BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) has changed me in so many ways. Here I am, a woman who was too self-conscious about her body growing up, who wouldn’t participate in group exercise or play sports because I felt too uncoordinated and didn’t want all eyes on me. Last weekend, I competed in a local BJJ competition. Why did I wait until my late 40s to do this? If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self so many things. But I can’t. So I am going to share my thoughts here and maybe encourage someone to take action sooner.

All my reasons *not* to compete

Remember my post a while back, all my reasons *not* to train BJJ. Let’s revisit that again, only this time with a focus on competition.

1. Everyone will know how much I weigh.
2. I may get hurt.
3. I don’t want to disappoint my coach or training partners.
4. I’m ‘old’, and no one else my age is registered to compete.
5. Did I mention it already? I may get hurt.

Let me talk about #1 first. I have always been self-conscious about my weight. I can remember as far back as kindergarten, being bigger than the other girls in my class. Why would I put myself in a place where I have to step on a scale in public? Ultimately, did it matter? Nope. I went up against two other women in the same weight class as me. It’s taken me half a lifetime, but I’m starting to put that number into perspective, and recognize that it is just a number.

What if I get hurt? I said to my coach before a class recently that I didn’t want to get hurt. You know what he said – if I focus on that, it will likely happen. Huh? I think he may be onto something – what I focus on is likely what will happen. Still processing and trying to apply that tidbit of wisdom; but the good news, I didn’t get hurt.

Disappointing my coach: This is a tough one. I wasn’t going to tell him I had registered for the tournament. I knew he couldn’t be there that day… and if things went south, he wouldn’t have to know. But I did tell him. And if I hadn’t told him, I am pretty certain he would have been mad at me… and I wouldn’t have received the amazing pep talk he gave me the day of the tournament (it made me cry, but in a good way). I won’t go into all the details of what he said to me, but I knew walking onto the mat that afternoon, that he would be proud of me no matter how the match ended. And my training partners? I only told a handful of people I had signed up to compete, and they pushed me to the max in the time I had to train (it was miserable… but worth every moment and exactly what I needed).

My age… I’m 48. I had to drop down an age division to be placed in a bracket. My competitors were probably 15 years younger than me. That’s just something I will have to get over (or invite more women 40+ to join me in BJJ and compete!)

Reflections on my first tournament

I would (and will) do this again. Competing gave me a progress report for how well I’m learning BJJ. Training in the gym, everyone is learning alongside me and most people are more advanced and can counter any moves I make. It was stressful going up against women who I knew nothing about, but I was able to implement BJJ techniques I have learned in class and they worked! I’m sure I will be just as nervous next time, but the first one is out of the way and now have a better idea of what to expect next time.

Having a coach in your corner makes a HUGE difference! While my coach couldn’t be there the day of the tournament, an upper belt woman who coaches at our gym offered to be on the sidelines for me. Hearing her voice kept me calm and helped me focus throughout the matches. I was going to go it alone (remember, I wasn’t even going to tell my coach I had registered to compete.) I am so happy I didn’t have to go it alone. My family was also there, along with a few of my training partners. I am grateful for all of their support, those who were able to come to the tournament and those cheering me on through all their messages and texts.  

So, what happened? I won. Both matches. And they gave me a gold medal. This is the same girl who didn’t play sports growing up. I have never competed (besides secretly racing the person on the machine next to me at the gym). I have so much to learn, so much room for improvement. And I can’t wait until the next time…